Assumptious

Im not a saint, im not a sinner either

2009-02-24T05:36:00.000-08:00

My 40th post...and this will be my last...

It was never your fault...it is true that god programmed certain functions inside us...i cant blame you for the way you are...

But if those programmed function of yours hurt some people, even though you dont intend to hurt, dont you think you should reboot and change that function??

It was never what you really did, or what you might do, it was HOW you could make me feel.

Since this will be my last post,on a slightly different note...

PLS LOVE EARTH....we need Earth and Earth needs us...Fine...i got this love Earth idea after watching Wall-E twice..haha...but really, dont forget to take care of Mother Earth.

"Come back down to earth, to the sun and the sea...."

Goodbye....

Kingshaw true story

2009-02-17T01:04:00.000-08:00

"Back when i was in secondary school, i took pure Literature and studied this book titled - King of the Castle. The story is about a boy, Kingshaw who had been bullied pyschologically. He was bullied by the boy name Hooper. He never bullied him physically, it always pyschologically....and the worst thing happen. Their single parent liked each other and decided to get married. The horror, the horror! Kingshaw now had to spend more time with Hooper. (I cant Fucking stand when u're around). Hooper manage to make Kingshaw feel defeated, hopeless,useless, stupid and most of all...insignificant.(this is how she managed to make me feel- All the vicious remarks and verbal attacks) To the eyes of others, they feel that Kingshaw made things up, to them it is such a small matter. NOBODY understands how badly it is affecting Kingshaw. In the eyes of others, Hooper was the VICTIM and Kingshaw was the VILLAIN. We the readers know what actually goes on ( Did i truly do the things that you've described). This is pyschological bully/torture. This term is not made up by me but by other real pyschologists. It is a pyschological novel recommended and used in schools. It is based on a real case of pyschologically bully happening in Europe countries. In the end, Kingshaw couldnt take it and he eventually comitted suicide. ( But all I could do was close my eyes, And cross my heart and hope to die.)"

Why do i brought this novel up?
Why?
I wish i can tell everyone who misunderstood us.
Are everything written in blogs are true?

It doesnt matter anymore, because this story is a living proof that even though people know why Kingshaw acted in such a way, nobody will ever fully emphatise with him, unless they go through the exact same thing.

Psychological torture- How little the problem is perceived by others but NOT to the one experiencing it......

PS: I wish this could shed some light to those who misunderstood us.Be prepared, for this is a cycle that never ends.(If you dont mean those words, dont say at all)

Erase it all

2009-02-13T04:45:00.000-08:00

" funny, at first i wanted to know everything about you
I even believed the most trivial thing was love
Funny, at first i tried my best to become alike,
not knowing that the similarities would hurt me
I try to erase again and again, but cant
The more i try, the more memories of you become clearer, it's no use..."

You are a good catch and i have to admit that it will be a loss for myself to lose someone like you...but hey...god definitely have something better for me in the future right..i would like to hold on to that belief until im over you..

Funny, how can someone have such a strong influence on someone else
Funny, how can someone still hold on to that hope
Funny, that people know time will heal wounds but still think about it
Funny, how all this can get started...

Torn between two

2009-02-12T07:31:00.000-08:00

This picture is my fave today...i had actually fantasised that Spanky was the one who took it....haha... aniwae...school has officially ended...and it's so sad to know that i wont be schooling anymore...i am not a fan of long goodbyes...i get emotionally attached to people and buildings haha...i will miss TP itself..the lecturers, the canteen , the lecture theatres and so on...

On a slightly different note...today was really unexpected....really...u know what i mean...it wasnt planned...haiz..i hope u dont get the wrong idea dear girl....

I hope im not replacing you...coz no one can replace anyone...everyone in the world is unique and different from each other...

And yah...y does all these things happen now??? hmmm...i have no idea...

And yeah..it felt so GOOD to be in the pouring rain...feels as if the rain is washing my problems away

" Let the rain wash away my sanity..."

Never in love..dats me...how does it feel huh? to have someone loving you...to love someone...to hurt someone..to have someone hurting you...

Blog...blog...blog...

So random...yeah i know...haha

Love scenarios

2009-02-07T04:31:00.000-08:00

Scenario 1: The girl had been liking this guy ever since they met. One day, she plucked up her courage and confessed. But when she did, the guy sadly told her that he cant accept her love because he is not ready to accept anyone new in his life. The girl, hurt but happy because at least he didnt hate her. As time goes by, she is liked by someone else. This other guy plucked up his courage and ask her out. At first, she doesnt want to, because she still pine her hopes for the one that she likes, but eventually, she decided to let it go and grab this opportunity. Oh boy. She was happy to have made this choice. When she proudly announce her relationship with this other guy, her old crush felt as if he lost something. Suddenly, he felt that he doesnt want to lose her. The biq question is - what is the reason for him to feel such way? why does absense make the heart grow fonder? Why do we realize that something is precious to us only until we' ve lost it..

Scenario 2: When romeo meets juliet, love sparks. But not for these 2 love birds. Oh...sparks do fly...but it is more to sparks of fire rather than love...the sight of each other disgust them....spending time with the other party was the last thing that they want to do....But fate is stronger..it brought them together...they HAD to spend every single time together...and as time goes by...they both need each other...but....none of them actually realize that they both need each other like...romeo needs juliet....However, they are happy with the way they are...what is their relationship status, u might ask...they dont know...its not important to them...

Scenario 3: The first time they met, she say..there is no way i can like this guy...but hey...apart from the looks... his charm, his funnyness is likeable...but those are not enough for her to like him ..so nothing can ever happen between them...as time goes by...he changed his looks...it's not drastic..he changed his looks to suit her taste...but do u think she will like him....actually...she does...she began liking him...even more....i can say....but...too bad...he doesnt like her...are looks really important??

Scenario 4: She likes him...and she can tell he likes her too...but no one dare to make the first move...everytime they got a hint of a confession...something will happen to make it disappear...so it always leave them wondering whether he likes me...or does she likes me...as time goes by...this continues...till when will they get an answer..When will we get the answer?.....

What are these love scenarios about...i know...there are a lot of other versions...but these are the one that i always picture in my mind...my favourite...scenario 2...

PS: What is yours?

Foolish fool

2009-01-27T04:17:00.000-08:00

" Ee babo....means "this fool" in korean hangul...
This fool is me....for falling for a foolish boy..

How many times have i made a fool of myself??
If those times are money, i'll be Donald Trump.

How many times have i foolishly make a confession??
Twice, literally speaking.

How many times have i been thinking about the foolish boys in my life??
Loads, tons, always.

How many times have someone tell me that i look cute when i act foolishly??
One. For real.

How many times have i told someone that he is a foolish boy??
Once in a lifetime, however this might change in the future coz i would love to call my boyfriend foolish when im upset or angry or when i feel like it.

How many times have i done foolish things like frequently check his profile on friendster/facebook/myspace???
Every chance i can get.

How many times have i told myself to stop acting foolish??
More than u can ever thought of.

How many times have i told myself not to be a fool in love??
Just enough for me to stay strong in my belief which is to stay single till i'm ready.

Foolish love, loving fool, love the foolish fool........"

Its been so long....

2009-01-22T23:06:00.000-08:00

" yeah i know...its been long since i blog...nothing much to say at that point of time...

Recent events got me thinking......

Was that the best way to deal a situation...Running away and letting go something precious to you...?

I know i've been cold to some these past few days...i had to...rather than bursting out in rage....

I wont apologise because literally i did nothing wrong, so do you...

My actions have dire consequences on someone else, now that i realized...

She needs him and i am not helping...

Hello? wonder mala? where art thou? the girl who help people tide things over? where have you been???

I must not be selfish..in order to pursue what i had planned, i forget the inportant things....

And i know YOU dont need me, coz i dont need you too..

How can someone be so religious yet perceived as mean by someone?

So who is the evil one here huh?

Oh ya...i miss you...and she need you..

always time like this when i think of you and wonder if you ever think of me

Everything so wrong and i dont belong living in your precious memories.

So sad, it's a sad situation but not sad enough to drive me to tears...

Cant blame me here...i can cry at dramas where it doesnt concern me...i know...im very SENSITIVE and emotional,and touchy...and....and...

She asked: What have you ever said or done to make him hate YOU?????

I said: I dont know....

Haiz...sometimes in life u wont get answers for everything...

In life, there are always choices and its up to you to make the right choice...

I am making one starting from now......"

PS: I miss it.

Silence

2009-01-15T04:44:00.000-08:00

" I will learn to give up...

Because i am scared that i will fall in love with you...

Silence is the best that i can do...

Dont worry, i will still be fine...."

It's over....

2009-01-09T00:58:00.000-08:00

" I've never felt lonely like this before...It's a different kind of loneliness...When there is a friend that is available, i push that away...instead..i keep on running after those who dont need me...maybe dont want me....so lonely.....

Thank god for music...without music life would be a mistake.....the only thing that cheers me up is none other than entertainment....i love entertainment...i was born to entertain...my talent lies in there...so what am i doing here?? What to do? I miss entertaining...i really do....

I must learn to be independent...i must...i have to...

It is seriously over...i dont think i even want to do it....the only one time we had fun is.... over...only once in a lifetime...No more.....

Dang! i feel like crying...what is happening to me?
why over this???????????

It is sad that my new year start like this.....I dont want to pretend..im sick of pretending,im sick of trying and im really tired......too tired...this time i am not letting go...im giving it up....

I am giving it up...."

PS: It's over

Crazy in love

2009-01-06T01:58:00.000-08:00

Im doing crazy things now.
Ohmu, i really am! haha..
What to do?

It went awkward and silent now and then....
(LOL to sohee and yoobin)

Internet is like.......the mastermind for all things.....

U got me looking so crazy right now....

I was searching for him again...haiz...i know that this will happen...shit...hate to be the one searching...

What's so hard in telling someone you like them...huh? what's the fucking problem?????

Oh ya...fear of rejection, not enough courage, too shy kind of thing rite?

That's Bollocks!!!

You dont need a reason to like someone

Geez... this liking business is hard, man.....i wish my heart is made of stone...but only for a while....

Whatever..i LOVE Shinee,Samb and the gang...and its not hard at all.....

PS: Going crazy....

Random words

2009-01-04T05:35:00.000-08:00

Are there times where i feel insecured? Hell yeah!

Yah....Yah.....

Life is a bitch...oh boy...

Jeez....

HAHA

HEHE

Whatever!

When it's at night

2009-01-04T04:48:00.000-08:00

" I am so loving the current drama starring Kim sun ah- When it's at night.I really LOVE it!!! haha...

My dream guy is exactly like the character Kim Bum Sang played by Lee Dong Gun.Here is a list of my dream guy's aspect-

He is CUTE.
He is NAUGHTY & FOOLISH.
He likes to exaggerate. (this is where cute comes in too)
He dress stylishly.
He is a playboy. (i believe that i can change that part of him...hehe)
He is cunning.
He lies when he is nervous.
He likes to argue.
He throws tantrum around.
He always managed to put up a good image of himself to others. (but he fails to fool me)

So if u want to see a guy like this in action, go watch the drama! Hehe. I'm on cloud nine......=)

On a different note, I am liking someone. It is just a like. Maybe more to fondness. He is warm-hearted, adorable, funny and the list goes on. But in his heart, there is sadness in his past, and because of that, there is no place for me in his heart.

I am yearning for him. It's true. Dreamt of him last night about how i always missed the chance of seeing him. In my dream, day one- my fren told me that he will always come to the bus stop at this certain time and he will take a certain bus, So on day two, I went there at the designated time, but it was too late. He already got on the bus. You know sometime, the bus will come earlier than the allocated time, so thats what happened. But the sad thing is that it happen a few times, and it go me thinking that it is not meant to be.So what, if u have many special moments with that someone? U need two hands to clap. True. Those memories are priceless. BUT, it only meant something to only those who knew what they mean. There is no point brooding over it. Just keep on looking forward.It's as if the past is a whole other area, sealed off in my head, taped down at the edges. I can always come back to peel of the tapes, so i have decided to succumb to fate and keep it in my precious memories.

If can, I dont want to lose contact with u after graduation. But i think we will......."

PS: Who is the "you"?

Ten out of ten

2009-01-01T23:14:00.000-08:00

" If i were a boy, i think i could understand...

It's going up not down, its getting better, its getting better, yeah!

Just like a small child happily receiving presents...
My present is YOU.

Only for the spur of that moment, i like you...
I just have to wait till that moment comes....

If you wanna man like a stronger....I've got you lady...
U've got me, definitely

But anything that goes up will come down...
i wanna treasure this moments then, before it goes down....

I still like the way you look at me...
I think u know what i mean....

Ten out of ten points i give u
U are perfect for me now, but how bout later
when i already find someone new?

I like YOU, i dunno why
I still like YOU, this i know why

i wanna rock with u, dance with u, do everything with u...."

Dream

2009-01-01T00:17:00.000-08:00

" I dreamt of kissing you, loving you."

PS: Wish you were there.

Ninth single

2008-12-30T04:31:00.000-08:00

U came into my life a year ago

Then i've decided you've got to go

Things happen and i dont know why

How can a stranger like you can make me cry

When i thought that it's all over

I saw u again on 30th december

My heart still beat so fast

Eventhough you are a thing in my past

I want to talk to you

Do you want to talk to me too?

I want to smile at you

But will you smile back at me too?

I dont know why i chose to like you

And now, i dont have anyone new

For i always feel that you are someone nice

Because i can see it in your eyes

And now im destined to like you

I hope u can like me too....

If all these things are not true

Then what am i supposed to do

Coz everytime i see you

All i can think is you

You make me lose my mind

Can you stop it if you dont mind?

Pls what can i do

To make me forget you?

Tenth chapter

2008-12-30T04:12:00.000-08:00

"I just washed Samb. He is clean, smell good and look cuter than ever. I am going to sleep with him every night.

I saw him today after so long. Though that it is over, but my heart still beats so fast when i see him. Hmm....must be the hormones raging inside me..haha.....desire is taking control of me..he look really good in black...he really does....(so do you....I wish i can tell u...)I really wanted to know him....i want to know what is he like, what he likes, what he dont, what are his bad and good habits, i want to hear his voice, i want to smile at him,i want to talk to him.All are these are WANTS, but do i NEED it?

It is definitely getting better.I know. I really do. Lets just keep moving on shall we? Glad to be a part of your memory. I really am. Thank you.

One problem solved.Another one appeared.haiz...what to do? ottohke?

Saw taemin lookalike today. Me and Sai ran after him. haha...crazy stalkers!!! i think i've lost about 1 kg after all that running. Thanx sai!

I really dont like him you know. I just like him as a friend. Stop those thoughts please. I like someone else. I liked him and i still like him.

Ottohke? what to do? hope i wont bump into him again coz it makes me weak. But i want to see him....what to do?

Samb is smiling at me. He always does. I love him"

Ninth chapter

2008-12-29T03:53:00.001-08:00

" As i sat there thinking, things are getting better. I think my duties are over. im gonna let them have their own quality time together without me. It's a new year. Forget the old and past mistakes, just keep moving on. What's past is in the past.

I know what can make me happy...watching my favourite show, drama, fantasising about wondergirls doing special stage performance with either DBSK or SHINEE...hehe...life couldnt get better.....I know this k-pop infatuation will be over anyway as i grow older, therefore i want to treasure it as much as possible.

I cant help noticing the way u look at me. It is very intriguing.Its as if u want to say something to me. I can see it in your eyes, but when i thought that there is something, it disappear, but it never fails to come back. I've never felt this way before. Your eyes tell a million things even though u do not say it.action do speak louder than words.I hope that this goes on because im happy with the way it is. even though it is just my wishful thinking, i will just keep on pretending.It feels sweet and nice like as if a child gets to hear bedtime stories at night where even though they know it is not real, they keep on imagining that it is REAL. I WISH it is REAL. I know i will never get an answer for this, but it doesnt matter anyway. Just as long i get to keep it in my precious memories, nothing can stop it. You are my sweetest sin.

I am happy that my life is surrounded by friends who care for me, who need me, who like me, for i had cared for them, needed them and still likes them(just the way they are). U cant change ur friends. Just accept them and learn them. Because it will take a lifetime to make a real friend, and only seconds to lose them. Treasure your friendship. if u lost one and there is no hope for it, then learn not to make the same mistake again. For we are still young. We will be making more new friends in the future. This is one thing that never stops coming. Friendship.

My love life. Now i dont like anyone in particular. I really dont. And if u think that i have feelings for him, i really dont. Having someone liking you is not the same as u liking him. Same goes to wanting someone to like you is not the same as u liking him. What i mean is, there are moments in my life where my ego takes control and i wanted him to like me, but i dont like him. I just like the thrill of having someone liking me. i dont know why, but i like it. I dont like him, because i dont know him. I dont know his likes and dislikes. I dont know his good and bad habits. How to like someone when u dont even know anything about them? But only god knows why i WANT him to like me....seriously... really dont know...i have a few eye-candies but i learnt not to put all my hopes on them because it is almost IMPOSSIBLE. So that is my love life at the moment. Usually, i'll get frustrated over my empty love life, but now i dont. Because i will never know what lies in the future ahead for me. I hope it is something GOOD for i have waited and still waiting for the right moment.

Family. its never been better or worser. its always the same. financial problems, domestic problems..it just keep on coming....another thing that never stops. But its ok, because i have realised that whatever problem we face, we managed to get over it. I don worry about the future, i dont think about the past, i just live my life to the fullest.

There are times where i get super bored and all i want is FUN,FUN, FUN.If there are 3 things that i can get, it will be, fun, happiness and kindness. Everything in this world is temporary. Good and bad things do come to an end. So just live life to the fullest, keep moving on as if nothing really matters."

Eight chapter

2008-12-23T04:42:00.000-08:00

" Dont come running to me when u lost all your hopes. I am not a back-up friend to you. Do not exploit my kindness, please. Yes it is true we had some special moments but that is all in the past. I am sorry. I have high expectations of friends. Friends may come and go. But honestly, to lose you, i wont regret it. All those pretense and even though u told me there are real moments where u really care for me and believe me i really did treasure it, but the pretense, the acts had overruled everything.......I dont understand why do you set priorities on somehting else and pushed me aside to pursue it. We really did have great bonding. For the reason i move away was because u were no longer close to me, u were close to someone else. I got hurt and confused. Moreover, i no longer hear ur sweet words. All i hear was negative compliments that make me feel sad.....and that is why i moved away....Things happen for a reason. It is extemely sad that it had become like this....."

"I have decided not to come running to you if i have problems, because it is my own fault of pushing you aside for pursuing another matter in my life. For u have changed, u no longer listen like u used to, u no longer talk like u used to, we no longer talk like we used to. I am sorry for making u my back-up friend. i wont come running to u if i lose all my hope....u dont deserve it and i am not worth it.....i promise to be more independent from now on.....sorry babe....."

"The problems in our life recently brought us together.It is great for us for we each found a new friend. But it is sad, that our old ones are lost.We get to share our thoughts, vent our frustation because we both understand how it feels like. I need u, and u need me. things without me is not good for u, i know, for u had called me to be there for u. I appreciate it. I feel as if i am important to u. But i hope that if u get it back, u wont forget me. hope u dont come running to me when u lose ur hope. I dont mind being there for u, but pls dont make me ur back-up friend coz i cant help feeling that our friendship was built because u needed someone to tide u over.Hope that each of us find peace in our own problems so that our friendship is not based on these problems alone....."

"I am happy recently, coz i am starting to know u more. I get to see ur humourous side, i get to listen to ur crappy jokes, i get to be in your memories. For we had never had anthing in the past. so at this time, i feel happy. Many thanks to you. I always wanted to know how isit to be close to u coz i've heard about how funny and crazy u are to ur close frens, and now i've got to. So are we frens? i noe we are graduating, but we havent rite? eventhough for my part, i feel happy, but i hope u no longer hate me...if there was a time i make u angry please forgive me.......coz we ARE graduating......"

Graduation night

2008-12-23T03:59:00.000-08:00

The Hepburn dress emulates the classic style of the movie icon. Fitted with a nipped in waist, this knee length dress follows the curves and has a deep pocket design for added detail. Lace sleeves give this dress an on-trend finish. This is the perfect one.

This dress is cute definitely,but its sleeveless.I can wear a shawl or a mini jacket.

Little black dress was brought famous yet again by Audrey hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. And yes, my grad night look is inspired by the classic audrey hepburn look in this movie.

The little black dress of "Coco" Chanel, celebrates its 80th birthday. So, where is the future? In November 1926 French Vogue published a sketch of the Chanel petite robe noire in its original incarnation, labelling it the ultimate "uniform for the modern woman".It was cut in matt black crepe, had a high neckline, long, narrow sleeves and stopped just above the knee. Unusually for its time - statement dressing was then, as now, a rather more ostentatious affair - it had no collar, no buttons and neither embroidery nor any other surface embellishment. Simple, graceful, eternal, for a woman of 21th century.

Theme: Classic black and gold fusion
The look: Audrey hepburn classic little black dress

Black satin pumps

Gold accessories

Gold clutch bag

Smoky eye make-up

Pin-up hair with soft curls cascading down

Why the LBD? because it is simple, classic, not provocating yet a sexy object.

Totally love it!

Graduation night...here i come!!!!!

Seventh chapter

2008-12-18T05:04:00.000-08:00

OMG! i broke my promise of no internet for a week!!!

It's all because i cant stand not watching SHINEE!!!
I love them...hehe..thanx to them....i love POLAROIDS now....i am so going to get one....hehehe...im gonna get a pink one just like Key....Sai already got one for herself...and she LOVES it! who wouldnt? haha
And i miss suju especially the rascals like heechul, kangin...haha they crack me up..love their nonsenses...
And i am addicted to Kim sun ah latest drama-when its at night....Love her character there...actually come to think of it...her real character is somewhat similar to the dramas like this one and My lovely samsoon...she is so ADORABLE...well...that's because she is a libra like me.....hehehe....
And i cannot wait to become ADULT and fall in love.....hormones raging....yeah...i know...
And now that problem doesnt really matter because i am taking it one at a time....and i know i am not PRETENDING...
And now i dont really care anymore...i know how to make me happy if im sad
And my skin in serious dry condition due to lack of water..and maybe because of DIRT...
And my hair is growing and it curls up like a lantern.....although on good days it does not...
And i'm gaining weight....not much, not obvious, BUT i can FEEL it....
And Im also addicted to wondergirls especially Yoobin coz she's a libra..like me...
And i am going to learn a musical instrument...coz life is short ok?
And i will be nicer to people...same reason as the above...
And i am going to read more books...especially harry potter coz im addicted to it...i've watched the movies back to back...oh yeah...just like a movie marathon...
And i am going to wash Samb,pink panther and resemble my wardrobe...coz new year is coming..
And that's all folks!

New year resolutions!

2008-12-13T04:31:00.000-08:00

1. Be happier

2.Let it go

3.Be less sensitive

4.Be stronger

5.Save money

6.Learn piano or guitar

7.Get a stable job

8.Be more understanding

9.Get a date

10.Fall in love

Sixth chapter

2008-12-13T03:16:00.000-08:00

I need to vent out my frustation!!!!!!!

If i can say all these things i will and i want.......but we all rely on blog to read each other's feelings and thoughts...Gosh!!!What happened to simplicity? where u can easily tell someone u like him, where u can easily tell someone u hate him and why, where u can tell what u feel to your own best friend and not let it all built up inside, where u tell your friend your friend your deepest darkest secret.....but no...all of us have to rely on BLOG!

What if blogging never exist? will it be different then???

Why cant we pluck up our own courage to face the truth...We all want the easy way out...to leave it just like that.....who cares if he or she ever found out....who cares if he not....Time do heals wounds, time do flies...but if time freezes and u r left to deal with this situation....do you think you can leave it and let time heal?

Somethings in life can be confronted, some are not...as this saying goes...some truth are better left untold....i agree....BUT i wish i can.......

On a slighlty different note, thank god for blogging......

Today on my way home, as usual as i was sitting in a bus...i realise my life is not so bad after all...of course i cant hang out at night like other people do because of my housework responsibilty that was entrusted to me ever since i was small...i noe i get lazy and tired easily that's why i always push my schoolwork at the last minute resulting in of course, a poor grade...i mean...most of the time im happy, im not diagnosed with a terminal disease or something, i might be lazy...but i can be hardworking when i want to...its just tiring ..imagine -school in the day....5 days a week, work at home in the midnight......plus my part time job during weekends...my family earn just enough to get by daily...we dont save, yet we don splurge...its always just enough....most of the time i'll be thinking its not fair...while other people are sleeping at night...there my family and i working our guts out...i still remember when there was a time where me and my sis didnt even have time to sleep before we go to school at 6 am in the morning...life was hard..it still is..my parents are getting old by the day...my sis is working but earn just enough for her and the house bill...so my mum who is now 60 years old, diagnosed with high blood pressure, still doing it.....i feel so sad because my mum cant retire...it hurts me to see her do more work and resulting in very little sleep....and all she say was..."it's ok, just as long as i can make money...."And there i am helping her, my family to SURVIVE...many ask me- why do you sleep so early...at first i don want to tell.....but eventually i did tell....but the sad part of it...is that not many understand or even remember it.....even if they did, they will be just like..."oh ya...i forgot....."Never in my whole life, is there anyone who ask me how do i cope with it....never....i don need sympathy...all i need is concern...its really strange.....sometimes i feel like running away from all these.....change my name...migrate to another country...the only support i have that keep me going on with my life is my faith in god, my family, my sis.......and the responsibilty that dragged me down to earth ....just like gravity..you cant feel and see it but you know it....so what if other people have all the time in the world to hang out at orchard or go zoukout...so what?Im happy with my life...i hope i can be stronger....i hope i can be happy every single time.....There is no need for me to compare other people lives with mine..wishing mine is better, wishing its different...u just need to accept it and carry on with life....

Anyway life is still beautiful...today there are many elderly boarding the bus that i took just now....everyone gave their seat away.....thank god for kindness, thank god for human intelligence which created technology and internet and blogging.....

Simplicity is just way overrated

Fifth chapter

2008-12-12T03:09:00.000-08:00

My blog revamped!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to haziwinaini a.k.a haz a.k.a hachi a.k.a hazel.........

But of course most of the credits goes to me...the one who chose the skin...i mean....haz was like pick this....and that one too...its all pink and blue and white....so haz.....

I wanted black skin...something dark...but yet beautiful....i always find black mysterious, classic, bold....and yet it represents many feelings....

"Should i? should i not?

Are we even friends? seriously.....i think that we are not......"

Gosh! Life is short ok?....so deal with it...its okae mala.....its okae....you have the future lying ahead of you......

Why underneath the stars? Everyone knows stars are beautiful...
Do you know that stars are actually little balls of fire...that eventually burn up after like few hours or so....but...they are never ending...they will always appear again and again....just like the problems in our life.....be it friends, money, school, love problems...they come and go.....

Simplicity is underrated........

Assumptious- eight single

2008-12-11T20:52:00.000-08:00

Change.....

The thing that change cannot change is...change itself...

People change through time....

Some change for the better...some...for the worse...

Given time, anyone can change.....

Face changes, style changes, life changes...

A different matter of change...

Is when the heart change....

You might love him now, but how about tomorrow?

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Ask that question everyday.....

And you will definitely see the change...

Physical changes, emotional changes, environmental changes...

What if everything change?

Will u take the new and leave the old?

What if u dont want it to change?

Can u defeat change itself?

No matter what, changes will occur in everyone's life.....

Some may like it, some dont....

But never worry, for no matter what happens, remember that it will change....

PS: Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift....

Assumptious- seventh single

2008-12-07T06:18:00.000-08:00

" He said: I dont like it when i talk to you and you dont look into my eye...

She said: Its not that i dont want to...... its just that i cant because you are a GUY....."

Extrovert: People who are usually loud, rarely hides their feelings, love to socialise

Introvert: People who are usually quiet, rarely show their feelings, wants to socialise

When do you talk?
Is it when.....
you feel comfortable with that someone...
Is it when....
you WANT to talk....
Is it when.....
you need someone to talk to....
Is it when.....
you need to break the silence.....

What make talking so hard?
Is it....
the lack of chemistry...
Is it....
the lack of bonding...
Is it....
the lack of comfortness.....
Is it.....
the lack of courage....

PS: I want to find someone who i am comfortable with, where i can pluck up the courage to talk when we are alone, where bonding and chemistry can be created, where i can find love and affection, where i can be HAPPY.....

Fourth chapter

2008-12-07T06:05:00.000-08:00

I am SHINEE infatuated!!!!

Key- always talk, love skinship with taemin and jonghyun and sometimes, Onew

Jonghyun-love to talk with key, both key and him LOVE the camera

Onew- love to butt in and make "Onew condition", likes attention

Taemin-full of surprises, at one hand he can be quiet and cute, and the other hand, naughty

Minho- the quiet one,when he talk its like......woah.....

extra info...

I think Shinee is successful because they consist of mainly fire sign stars.
Fire sign are known to be energetic, adventurous, strong-minded.Together with air sign, they become stronger, because fire need air to continue. Without air, there is no fire. Love like oxygen! hehe...Then there is water sign, the one that help these 2 sign to come back down to earth and that is why they are humble.

Fire sign- Jonghyun(aries), Minho & Onew(sagittarius)
Air sign- Key(libra)
Water sign- Taemin(cancer)

Peace....
Shinee hwaiting!

PS: I can dance AMIGO!

assumptious- sixth single

2008-12-05T04:19:00.000-08:00

" Why do the heart do things for reasons that reason itself cannot understand?

Why do you force yourself to do things that you don't want to do?

Why do you keep a smiling face while inside your heart is bleeding?

Why do you let yourself go against your own wishes?

Why do you do all these things eventhough you know it doesnt mean a thing?

Why do you want to keep something that u never had?

Why do you want to like someone eventhough u are not being liked?

Why do you still want to spend time with that person eventhough you cant be together?

Why do you need her when u know u dont want her?

Why do the heart never listen to the head?

Why do you ignore the pain?

Why do you hold on eventhough it hurts so bad?

Why do you ignore the signs eventhough u can see them?

Why do the heart do things that we dont understand?"

Why do you have to be nice to me for me to be nice to you?

Why do you see my flaws when i cant see them?

Why do you only see the bad side of me?

Why do i only see the good side of you?"

third chapter

2008-12-05T04:05:00.000-08:00

the view of tp from rear

praying mantis pose

wat???

he who initiated the praying mantis pose

.....

walking away..

The fountain!

The models-me, haz, azfar

The camerawoman- saihah

Today, the beautiful scenery of my school temasek poly was discovered. It was a really great sight, especially during sunset. I really wanted to lie on the grass and star-gaze. That will be great if i can get to do it with someone special. To me its kinda romantic to lie on the grass side by side and JUST star-gaze, BUT then, reality kicks in, that special someone is hard to find and eventhough u managed to find a guy, he will be mostly trying his best to kiss you....yeah...i know...its romantic and nice to kiss...but i dont need it...so sue me!

I really wanted to lie on the grass and look up to the sky....but then.......Azfar told me there are worm....earthworms.....lots of them.....

Thanks alot worm guy.....

My birthdae pics!!!

2008-12-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

me n sut before we embarked...wat's with my shot?

me and us going home...

so hot....so fine...so cool

wondergirls!

yeah... i noe wats with this......aiyo...my leg so sexy ah....too bad for the scar on my knee...

perfect ten!

soaking in the sea....

OMONA!

AGAIN!

waiting for the tram...

me n haz

IT was a great day...thanx for celebrating it with me guys...love you all!!!!!

My ambition: To be a cam-whore! haha

PS: My birthday was on 9 0ct.

Click on the pics for clearer view!!!

Something i never had

2008-12-04T05:22:00.000-08:00

Do you see me
Do you feel me like I feel you
Call your number I can not get through
You don't hear me and I dont understand
When I reach out I dont find your hand
Were they wasted words and did they mean a thing
And all our precious time but I still feel so in between

[Chorus:]Some day I just keep pretending
That you'll stay dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

I keep telling myself things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out you could always change your mind
Like a fairy tale where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes have you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize its just what might have been.

[chorus]
Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a secret that you keep
Do you dream me while your sleeping after all
Some day I just keep pretending
That you'll stay dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
That I never had
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
You dont see me, you dont feel me like I feel you

Sang by lindsay lohan.

This really describe my situation with him...it really does...those who know...read it carefully...

second chapter

2008-12-04T04:49:00.000-08:00

" ERRGH! Why cant i talk when we are alone????It's as if my body naturally shuts down or something.....And this apply to ALL guys....seriously. Come to think of it,I can talk to guys....i mean im not social retard or something, but that is only possible if there are other people. Like it cannot be 2, it must be at least 3. When back in my secondary years, i had alot of guy classmates. We always sit down together, make fun of each other, but the number is never lesser than 3. There are moments when i will be walking with just one of them, and it will be like totally DEAD. Even in my current situation, its like that...GOSH! Something is definitely wrong with me......And oh yah...i've never been out on a DATE before....maybe that's why...maybe everytime when im alone with a guy, i ASSUMED that we are like on a date or something(i noe its weird)...and it make me nervous and shy and my body shuts down....How ironic for someone who practically never shuts up......haha....I dont know why but there are theories i've created for this SYNDROME i'm having.....

Maybe its their male presence, their aura that make my soul go weak
Maybe its the chemicals in my body, when they get a sniff of anything MALE( its more prominent if we are alone), they shut my mouth off
Maybe its just me, assuming all these things

So, the moral of the story is: GET A DATE!

This is to cure my SYNDROME. I think by having a date, i can get familiarise and comfortable to be alone with guys.

So.....anyone wanna date me??? i'm AVAILABLE. hehe....That's all folks!"

Assumptious- fifth single

2008-12-03T05:09:00.001-08:00

She said...3 more months to go...3 more months of never-ending questions....at least it's only 3 more months....

To you...have u found out? is that why we are back to square one?...only 3 times i'm mentioned in your blog....3 times only....although there is alot...but there is only three.....

I want you to know..but for what? u can always choose to deny or not answer it at all...i can choose to ask or not to ask at all....

Decision, decision, choices, choices...

"It's really bothering me....it really is...

She said.....ask yourself...why r u feeling this things????....

I said...i dont really know.....i just felt unfair when i dont get IT just now.....

The big question is WHY do i feel that way.....maybe .....i really want to be your friend....but WHY? why now?

Seriously, you are fun...you crack me up...you are the first male version of my star sign i've ever met....you crack me up....

My active compound: laughter

How do i activate it?

By making other people laugh, so i can laugh along....

I cant laugh alone...i need someone...lets just say i hate being lonely, but i dont mind being alone...

I feel tired making people laugh...

I want to be happy.....laughing is the key

3 more months....

I'm tired of being the initiative one....

How do people draw a line here??

To sai-if i take away SHINEE, MCR and our problems, do we have anything in common?

To haz- if i take away Super junior, cute eye candies, polar intern days and our problem, do we have anything in common?

To azfar- if i take away private body parts talks, FSM stuff, do we have anything in common?

To sutha- if i take away our crazy dancing moments, orchard nights, cam whoring, shopping, Marche, do we have anyhting in common?

To faiza-if i take away BIG BANG, SUJU, malay MATs, cats, do we have anything in common?

To Shikin-if i take away greeting messages, my problems, do we have anything in common?

To ana- if take away our secondary moments, jiwang songs, do we have anything in common?

To widya, if i take away our secondary moments, window shopping, do we have anything in common?

To nasirah-if i take away hindi movies, roti prata and 9 years of friendship, do we have anything in common?

If i take away all these things...i know that we cant be friends....

If u like someone for some reasons and one day that reasons go away, will u still like them??

U dont need a reason to fall in love, much less liking someone, much less making friends....

PS: My aim in life is to be HAPPY, not to make everyone LIKE me, BUT how can i be HAPPY if someone DISLIKE me for reasons that i will never know.....

It's really bothering me......

Assumptious- fourth single

2008-12-02T19:55:00.000-08:00

MY LOVE

" I can see us holding hands, walking on the beach, our toes in the sand,

I can see us in the countryside, sitting on the grass, lying side by side,

You can be my baby, please make me your lady, boy you amaze me,

Ain't gonna do nothing crazy, see all i want is you to be my love...."

It's taken from Justin timblerlake(JT) my love....its the girl version that i created ...hehe...so creative of me rite???..LOL

" I used to find you ODD,
But now, i think we're EVEN."

Assumptious- third single

2008-11-30T03:07:00.000-08:00

I really think i should stop reading it....
But it help me to understand...
So that i wont misunderstand anyone...especially you....

For once, i understood why...
really....i really do.....

If my actions made u cry...
hope my words can make u smile....

Honestly, i am fond of you...
i dont know why...but i think i do...

Sometimes in life u cant have it all...
i guess its time for me to go.....

I think i should be the one saying sorry...
instead of you.....

for i know how u feel...
for i know how to really love someone..

afraid to let them go...
scared to tears if they really go....

PS: Gomen neh.....

a sincere thank you....

2008-11-30T02:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you..thank you...

I know these words are not enough to really thank you..

Do remember that you will always stay in my heart..

Eventhough we know that it is so hard...

For whatever things that had happened in the past...

All i can say is that time move so fast....

Lets be sincere and honest with each other...

That way, we can always be together...

PS: I love you
I sincerely do

the first chapter

2008-11-30T02:19:00.000-08:00

"I wanna go KOREA!!"

This is an excerpt from my diary dated: 07.10.2008

"Hei...2 more days to my birthdae....Yippee!!Aniwae I am totally addicted to Wondergirls now, especially Yoobin because she's a Libran....just like me...hehe....Nowadays, I am imagining myself having a boyfriend...ok, not REALLY a boyfriend, its more like seriously close guy friend....My imaginary guy friend is cute, half Malay, half Korean-coz im addicted to korean people now. I know it's not possible, but hey, a girl can dream rite? He can speak both Malay and Korean. Haha. He can teach me the korean language that way. We will go out to watch movies, eat together, walk around suntec city at day and clarke quay at night...but only as friends. My imaginary guy friend understands so well why we can't be in a relationship at this stage( coz i dun want to), that he goes along being close friends with me until the day I am ready to love...aww......so sweet rite? I wish I can meet someone like that. Someone who is understands and willing to wait and to him waiting is not really a big deal because he is happy to be by my side. Ok... i know...it's kinda selfish of me..but if a guy like that really appear now, i will tell him that he can choose to wait, BUT if he can find someone who is better while waiting for me... i WILL let him go...i guess it's the only thing i can do for him.

Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime.
Being in love is beautiful, but being in love for all the wrong reasons, is sinful.

I think i had reached the stage where i want companion. Someone who likes the way i am, someone who flirts with me, give me chocolate and flowers and all his affection...BUT i will definitely wait for the one nice guy that i am allowed to fall in love with...
I hope i wont judge his outer beauty, I hope i can see his inner beauty. I really HOPE!
But...if he is cute.....then it is a plus!!!hehe...typical me!...that's all Folks!"

PS: I cut my hair....it's nice for a change....rite?

Assumptious- second single

2008-11-29T06:03:00.000-08:00

LET IT GO!!!!

juz wanna sae- sori if i ever make u thought and felt that way...i think its childish.....
although action speak louder than words, but for you, the words speak louder.....if u ever figured this out...lets juz sae its fair coz i hurt u wen i took her away(as u assumed), now u hurt me with those words...its FAIR n SQUARE ....

And with these sincere words i say,
I wish it will make it go away..
In life, there is circle and square,(and many more)
Therefore, i think this IS fair.

Peace....
PS: Librans are known to be fair.......

Assumptious- continuation

2008-11-29T02:59:00.000-08:00

Y blog? i used to think it is redundant to blog. Y? because, i prefer writing in my diary ( i still do). however, one day, i showed my dairy entries to a friend of mine because , i trust her...what sparked my decision to blog is the fact that my friend enjoyed reading it, and i enjoyed her comments about it...it felt good...so that is the reason why i decided to blog.....However, i realised that there are negative downside about blogs but there are positive things bout blogging too.
Here is list of y should u blog and y u should not:

YES! to blogging...

since it is free...why not?
u get to vent your frustation( esp to those who can hide their feelings well)
u get a lot of attention
u get to say things that you want to say to who you want to say to( but not in the direct way - names are still hidden)
The person whom u wanted to know what u wanted to say might actually read ur blog and know
Things get better between u and that person
life gets better.....

NO! to blogging

someone still got to pay the internet bill, electricity bill
u vented your furstation, but it will never actually go away
u get too many attention
the things that u want to say to who you want to say to can really hurt the person
It can really hurt the person if the person gets to know about it and it might cause the person to CRY....
things get worser between u and that person
life sucks.....

Assumptious- first single

2008-11-29T02:08:00.000-08:00

I name my blog assumptious. why? because i like to assume, not tentatively LIKE, it is more to- tend to assume. There are many things in my life that have been assumed by me. what are they? i will go into detail as the day goes by.... but the one thing that i would like to share is my tendency to assume the character of the people in my life...my friends, my eye candies, my crushes and all those whose path cross mine....

OMG!!!!!
i juz read a blog, my fren blog dat i assumed to be nice but......OMG!!!!!

This part is personal
I really assume a LOT!!! help me someone.........i didnt expect this...Y? must u think of me this way? Y? for I never thought of you that way.....Eventhough i'm loud, and doesn't care about what people think and say about me...but this one REALLY HURTS.... because i assumed that you are nice, i even wondered how does it feel to be your close friend, and i know deep down inside even though u hardly talk to me, i can tell u are a nice person... i dont know how or why but i think u are nice...really....u said in your blog u dont like to potray your angry feelings to people and maybe dat is why i assumed u to be nice...BUT are u really like that?...or are you like what i had assumed...oh god! dont take that away from me....i dont want to hate anyone anymore now.....please......